“Pat! Vanna! I’d Like to Sell a Vowel”


I wrote a check the first time April and I went on a date.  We were in North Carolina.  The clerk scrutinized my name, then started spelling it out loud.  Dee, aah, aah, ooh, ..” and trailed off, presumably lost in the blizzard of vowels, in search of a consonant.  Finally, he resurfaced and asked “How do you say that?”  “Frank,” I replied, lingering with a bit of exasperation on the “k.”  Among the mental notes April must have made was “if we get married, I’m keeping my name.”  Done, and done.


It isn’t just not being in the Old Neighborhood in New York City.  My name has been misspelled in an amazing number of ways.  Sans serif fonts are killers – the capital “I” is interpreted as an “L” or a “T” or who knows what else.  Things don’t get much better when using serifed font like Times Roman.


The best way to deal with this is with a sense of humor.  I’ve saved address labels and such over the years.  This collection, plus a trust fund, will be part of my legacy to my daughters.  View the carnage (683k JPG)


Just When You Thought There Couldn’t Be Any More Variations …


Here are some new ones, added in September, 2006.  Give people points for creativity, especially when combining my name with my April’s.  Also, look at the “beta” spelling of my name on the bottom right – rather than write a new check, they exhibited fiscal prudence and basically just admitted that they needed two tries to get it right.  View more of the carnage (499k JPG).


While it was not the most creative mangling, SAS Institute’s recent profile of me on their Web site was certainly the most prominent.  As such, it warrants a separate file (view).  To their credit , they fixed it within hours of my somewhat bemused call to them.


July 2009 additions … My favorite in this batch is my Chapel Hill High visitor’s pass “frank dilonic  You go to the office, carefully print your name in the visitor’s log, then who-knows-what happens when they look at “DiIorio” and transform it to “dilonic  Maybe the result would be different if the kids were in some fancy-pants private school?  Hmmm … too late.  View the latest maulings